Getting It Off Your Chest: Next time call a cab

I’d like to introduce a new segment here on Mysteries of Life called Getting It Off Your Chest. The ideas is to write a short post about some past slight, trespass or other injustice committed on the behalf of a Friend-Who-Really-Wasn’t.

It could be that time your roommate chose to go to a movie instead of help you celebrate your milestone birthday; it could be the friend who made you leave a cool party before you scored someone’s phone number because they had to leave now; it could be someone promised to help you move and then didn’t answer their phone all weekend.

The mitigating criteria being that the statute of limitations for bringing it up to said friend has very likely long since expired but you are still traumatized by it for some reason. The purpose isn’t to bitch, whine and moan but to move on by gaining some closure.

I invite readers to share their experiences as well.

Once upon a time I was supposed to pick up Jema from the airport.  Well not the airport actually but from an El stop.  Jema is the friend who, in a roundabout way, introduced me to my wife.

Jema was coming into town and we worked out that she would take the El from Midway Airport to the Belmont Redline/BrownLine Station.  I had a chiropractor appointment around the corner and we determined that the timing would work out peachy.

So here’s the thing.  I left my home in a hurry to get to the appointment and I forgot my cell phone.  This should not have been a big deal because if she called I should in theory be able to borrow someone’s phone to call my voicemail and get any frantic messages from Jema asking where the hell I am.  In fact, some VM systems even let you press a button and call the person back using whatever phone you use to access your VM.

Except no one uses phones to talk anymore.  Or leaves voicemails.  It’s all text, text, text.  I can access my text messages on my iPad, if they are sent from an iPhone.  But guess where my iPad was?  That’s right, at home next to my iPhone.

And Jema of course didn’t stay put at the station.  Why would she when she has her phone and I have my phone and it would never occur to this Kellogg G-school “everyone needs to be accountable for themselves no government handouts” Republican that maybe if someone isn’t responding they might not have their phone.

I had to drive back home, fetch my phone to learn that she was just a block away at the Starbucks and then drive back again to fetch her.

I’m annoyed because back in the day if we were meeting a friend somewhere, we waited at that spot.  And if you left for any reason, even if just to kill time window shopping because you got there early, you circled back to make sure you didn’t miss each other.  It never occurred to Jema to do this!  I may have to see if my Employee Assistance Program will pay for the therapy from this one.

And talk about ownership and personal responsibility.  I felt bad about keeping her waiting so I drove back the 6 miles to the Starbucks.  No apologies for leaving the spot we agreed to meet at!  I should have made her take a cab.

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Why I’ve (mostly) stopped wishing people a Happy Birthday on Facebook

This post brought to you by the Love Child of Jaded and Cynical.  The following post on my personal Facebook page got some mixed polarized reactions a while back.

“Anyone get a strange sense of joy when you log into Facebook and find that you don’t have a half a dozen friends to wish a happy birthday to on that day? Asking for a friend.”

Most of my friends saw the humor but a handful just didn’t get it.  I never said I wouldn’t or didn’t want to wish anyone a happy birthday on FB.  I just was relieving a little of the angst myself and all the friends who liked that status go through every day when they log in and see so many birthdays.

Spoiler alert: I obviously did not come up with this on my own.  I saw a similar MEME months ago and was waiting for a day when FB didn’t tell me any of my friends were having a BDay.  That it took almost a month is indicated of what I’m getting at with this post.  Some days I have 5 or more friends with a BDay (#firstworldproblems), and that’s just the ones who still have their settings to show they have a BDay.  I tried doing that thing where you wish everyone a happy BDay by tagging them in your status update.  But that seems like a lazy asshat move.

In the pre-internet age, I was terrible at remembering birthdays.  I might remember the month but I certainly could not be counted on to remember the date unless it was within a week of mine or was also a significant major holiday.  Sorry Arbor Day babies.

So I really liked when FB use to tell me my friend’s birthdays.  and In my first few years of FB, I did my best to wish someone a happy birthday whenever the giant Zuckerberg Engine told me it was someone’s anniversary of birth.  Then I realize, in no particular order, that:

• there are some people who never wished me a happy BDay back, or
• the only contact I have with them on FB is the yearly happy birthday (one person even unfriended me on my birthday — who does that!)
• Some days I have 5 or more friends with a BDay, and that’s just the ones who still have their settings to show they have a BDay.

I have almost 1000 friends on FB (#firstworldproblems).  This includes friends from high school, college, previous jobs, Marathoners, ChicagoNow bloggers, church peeps, Polish Mafia* and whatever other buckets are left.  This also includes Randos I met once or twice at a party or event and we connected on FB either because it was the thing to do at the time or we are hedging our bets that someday we might need to get in touch with one another.

Here is a screen shot of the birthdays today.  Of these three people:

1)  The first one is someone I apparently went to high school with, or at the very least attended the same high school.  Back when I first got on FB, no one knew exactly what it would be so I think the thought was to connect with everyone just in case.  L and I do not interact on FB though I think she doesn’t post semi-frequently.

2)  This is a random person I met at an event a few years ago.  She’s a writer and a blogger and I thought we could connect and collaborate however she doesn’t interact back.

3)  This is a guy I meet during speed work one marathon training season a decade ago.  If we run into each other at a race, we chat for a couple minutes but we don’t interact on Facebook.

I could unfriend all of these people and there would probably be no love lost.  However, that’s not my style.

So now I’ve given myself permission to stop posting the Token Happy BDay™ on someone’s wall or timeline (or whatever they call it next FB revamp).  I still do it for good friends and people I do interact with either IRL or even just online.  The Real Life example would be think of being at the office and it’s Sally from Accounting.  I won’t go out of my way to swing by Accounting to wish her a happy birthday but if I happen to need to drop something off anyway, I’ll walk the extra 10 steps to her desk and say something.  Especially if there is cake.

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Winter Marathon Training Blues

I am training for the March Madness Half Marathon to be held on the Ides of March in Cary, IL.  I’m using a custom training program designed with the help of Runner’s World’s Smart Coach app, found on their website.

I KNOW it’s only a HALF marathon, which is just a baby marathon but The March Madness Half Marathon is a tough course. The last time I ran it, it kicked my ass. This was of course 2009 when I didn’t know I was running with a torn meniscus in my left knee.

Looking at my Athlinks account, this is what I’ve done the four times I’ve apparently run this race:

March Madness Half Marathon	Pace	Finish Place			Final Time
		Age	Gender	Overall
March 15, 2009	8:46 Min/Mi	61	393	574	1:54:55
March 16, 2008	7:30 Min/Mi	46	180	202	1:38:25
March 19, 2006	7:36 Min/Mi	38	194	218	1:39:34
March 20, 2005	7:49 Min/Mi	39	237	287	1:42:35

This time my hopes are a little more humble. I want to simply run this course without stopping and finish in under two hours.  The training program the Smart coach spit out consists of three runs per week.  While it does attempt to mix in speed work and tempo runs, remember I input an easy setting so there isn’t much it can do with that.  Basically all the runs are 3 to 6 mile runs spread out over 9 weeks.

Essentially it was a Tue/Thur/Sun run schedule but there is built in flexibility in that some weeks it might be more feasible to run on a different day of the week.  If I missed the Tuesday run, I’d try to make it up Wed and then do the Thurs run on Friday but beyond that, I wouldn’t make up any runs from a previous week.  Also, I wanted to allow a day of rest between runs because creaky knees.

Smart Coach created a 9 week training program and I am now past the halfway point. Here’s how I’ve done:

Because of weather and/or illness I’ve missed 4 out of 15 schedule runs, including two Long Runs.

The good news is that I am doing better at running without stopping. There was a time in my running life when I would go out for a 6, 7 or 8 mile run and I’d be at mile 4 or 5 before I even realized it. These days I’m lucky to get to mile 2 before I want to stop.

Previous Post: My Secret Winter Marathon Training program

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU’LL ALSO LIKE: Sex before the marathon and other last minute tips

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My Secret Winter Marathon Training program

Can I get a little light out here?
Photo Credit: Robert Horowitz

On the morning of New Year’s Eve I signed up for the March Madness Half Marathon in exotic Cary, IL on March 15th.  Online registration opened at 6am that day — so I cannot even claim NYE drunken shenanigans — and this race always sells out quickly.   I told myself if I were up at that ungodly hour it was a sign that I should register for it. Low and behold our (then) 3 month old twins had me up at that hour so I secretly signed up which meant committing to a winter training schedule.

By secret I don’t mean only the NSA knows about it, although I’m sure they do.  I just mean I haven’t exactly told my friends or posted many training runs on FB (via Dailymile.com).  This was to give myself an out.  I figured that if I  didn’t build up the endurance to run more than couple miles before petering out, I would gracefully bow out of running on the Ides of March.

If you are planning to run a spring marathon, you have to do a lion share of your mileage during the winter months. Training for a marathon during the winter is rough enough under ordinary circumstances.  It’s dark when you wake up, dark when you get home from work and cold all throughout. If there is snow that toggles the difficulty setting up a notch.

Given my current situation of having to juggle twins, along with my diminished running ability, I decided that a half marathon was much more realistic than a full one, especially in the winter months.

This Half Marathon is special because it is a tough hilly course and hills are hard to come by in Illinois.  Rumor has it they actually reversed the course a few years ago because it was too tough.  I haven’t found any concrete evidence of that.

Locals who are running the Boston Marathon usually run this race, even if they have to bandit, because usually aligns perfectly with the Boston Marathon training schedule. What that means is your 12-14 mile “cutback” run usually falls on the same weekend as the MM HM so why not.

Because of my diminished speed and endurance, along with having 4 month old twins to wrangle, I opted to use Runner’s World Smart Coach to create a training program.  This tool is free but you have to create an account at Runner’s World.  You input a few variables such as the results of a previous race, the date and distance of the race you are training for and how hard you wish to train and it crunches out a handy training schedule that you can follow (see above).  My inputs spit out a 9 week training program that will log me 126 miles including the MM HM itself.  I’m not in love with the idea of being married to a training schedule again but it is the best way I know to get in shape for a race and it gives me something to focus on.

You can read more on how this 9 week training program is going here.

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True Freedom means Pledge of Allegiance is optional

The other night a friend posted a link on Facebook to an article that caught my eye.  I really should save this post for Flag Day but that’s months away and this is on my mind right now.

Many just recited the Simpsons version of the Pledge

From the Fox News link my friend provide, it sounds like a group tried to ban the Pledge of Allegiance in its entirety and one Samantha Jones single-handedly fought and won a case against these opponents of freedom. When you follow the linkage though, it seems instead that the point of contention was not the pledge itself but the words “under God” and the requiring/forcing people to recite it.  Also, Ms Jones had some help from The Becket Fund.

Whenever I hear a story about Some_Group trying to stop someone from doing something, I remind myself that these things seldom begin in a vacuum. It’s possible the American Humanist Association (AHA) woke up one morning and decided “hey wouldn’t it be fun if we hired a bunch of lawyers and take our chances with getting the judicial system to outlaw kids from learning the Pledge of Allegiance or having to recite it in school. More than likely this is in response to some other volley in the battle.

When it comes to the Pledge of Allegiance, there are two things which I believe true and that are not mutually exclusive:

• There should never be a law banning reciting the Pledge of Allegiance;
• There should never be a law requiring anyone to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

These concepts are not mutually exclusive but some people balk at the second one. That’s probably because they feel you should feel the way they do about the pledge and this country and be grateful for all our freedoms.  To be sure, one should be very grateful and appreciative for all the freedoms we have in this country and it would be really swell if you did acknowledge that freedom by pleading allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America.

You should also eat more vegetables, exercise and help those less fortunate than oneself too.

If you have any faith in your convictions, you can handle being in the same classroom — the same assemble,  the same public event — with people who don’t believe exactly as you do. Furthermore not reciting the Pledge of Allegiance doesn’t make one an unpatriotic or an enemy of the Nation.

Even Samantha Jones gets it:

I defend the right of kids to sit out the Pledge. In fact, I am proud to live in a country that is so respectful of everyone’s beliefs. We are a diverse country and we celebrate that diversity in many ways. — Samantha Jones

Freedom is defined the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. and Liberty is the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life, behavior, or political views. And ironically, Liberty is mentioned in the Pledge of Allegiance. It’s like by design or something.

The thing about freedom is that true freedom requires me to let you do what you want if I want you to let me do what I want. Barring doing something that is harmful to others or society.

So if you want to recite the Pledge of Allegiance you have every right to and I should not be able to stop you. At the same time, if I don’t want to participate, I should be able to do so without any repercussions, explicit or implicit.

And honestly, for something as important and meaningful as the Pledge of Allegiance, would you rather have someone going through the motions of half mouthing the words and not giving a shit on the inside, or someone only reciting it because it does have some meaning to them?

That Under God thing

The Pledge of Allegiance was written 123 years by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931), a Christian socialist. Relax, that’s the good kind of socialist. The pledge was written as part of a campaign to instill the idea of American nationalism in students and sell flags to public schools. (Yay capitalism, I mean patriotism).  Thirty-one years late we specified to the Flag of the United States because apparently, so many people were confusing it with the Banana Republic.

62 years later we had to add “under God” because, Communism. and that has stood for 61 years and counting. There’s  danger in making patriotism compulsory, see Nazi Germany for more details.

Right now a lot of people are questioning Islam by saying something along the lines of “if your God is so fragile that any picture depicting him is a threat, how valid is your belief system.”

Hello pot have you met kettle?

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Bruce Jenner Fruit Loops Meme not very funny

A friend posted a meme about Bruce Jenner transiting from man to woman on her Facebook page the other day.  In the first frame, you have 1976 Olympic Gold Medal winner Bruce Jenner on the cover of Wheaties.  In the second frame you have Transitioned Jenner on a package of Fruit Loops.

Blogger’s Note: when I write about something I endeavor to link back to the source.  However, in the name of good taste, I’m electing not to provide a picture of the Meme.  Rumor has it, it’s not hard to find information on the Internet! Just type “something” into Google and see!

When I saw it I admit I chuckled for .2 seconds before realizing what I was actually looking at.  Maybe you have one of those friends that always tells a funny joke so you sometimes automatically laugh just before they actually get to the punchline because 99% of the time, the payoff is good?  It was like that except this time, it was more like “ha ha…record screeches.  oh that’s not funny.”

Spoiler alert:  There was a time long ago when I would have easily found this funny.  Not laugh my ass off funny or refer back to it repeatedly like “hey remember that time you posted the Fruit Loop joke about Bruce.”  But I admit I would have definitely had more of the desired and expected reaction that my friend was looking for when she posted the meme (she has since taken it down.)

I commented on my friend’s post with the following:  “That is so wrong.”

I admit, that was a bit of a copout.  Many years ago, for about 5 minutes, the phrase  “That is so wrong” was one of those catch-all phrases people threw around randomly that seemed to apply to a variety of situations without really meaning anything like “That’s what she said.”

I didn’t get on her case more strongly for a couple of reasons.  First, I hadn’t talk to her in person since her wedding and we no longer attend the same church and our friendship just isn’t what it once was a decade ago.  To be sure, another friend of hers didn’t hold back on his explanation of why it was wrong and I wish I had grabbed a screenshot before she took the post down.

Second,  a short time ago, someone told me that unless  you have been through the exact same experience “you really don’t get to say if someone should be offended.”  I’m not sure about that one. I believe I can form my own opinion on the things I observe and come to some intelligent conclusions if I think it through enough.  For example, I’m thinking I can feel sorry for a guy who lost his legs without having to first have mine chopped off.

Finally, I don’t think she truly meant to offend anyone and honestly thought it was just a funny meme about those wacky Kardashians and their publicity stunts.  OMG! what if they are setting us up for the Long Con.

On a serious note, I’m not transgender and this is just an educated guess, but I suspect the majority of the Transgender Community would be offended by that meme.

Meggan Sommerville who blogs at Trans Girl at the Cross and has written about many of the issues she faces every day as an Transgender individual.  I could not last the better part of an afternoon walking in Meggan’s stylish yet affordable shoes. Putting up with what she has to put up with at work and at church would crush me.

And that is why memes like this one need to be nixed before they go viral. Because while my friend and I have the option of posting a meme about a Kardashian going Transgender, making fun of it and then moving on, people like Meggan don’t get to just move on.

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