Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t bring up: A policy for discussing controversial topics among friends

I have a lot of friends who don’t see eye-to-eye with me on various social political issues like Abortion, Gun Control, Same-Sex Marriage, Immigration and Orange is the New Black.  Occasionally we have gotten into it over the years in real life and on Facebook but for the most part, we silently mutually agree to disagree.  Or more correctly, we have an implicit don’t ask, don’t tell and don’t bring it the fuck up policy.

If you wait long enough, everything is biodegradable! Photo Credit: Jen Ramauro

It’s not that we don’t stand by our convictions or that when push comes to shove we won’t fight for our beliefs.  We just somehow arrived at the foregone conclusion that nothing we say is going to change the other person’s mind and why ruin an otherwise enjoyable interaction.  I usually don’t profess my stance on issues because I just don’t want to hear it from the other side.  And they don’t want to hear it from me.  So let’s just move on and try and have a nice day. This is sometimes called taking the path of least resistance.

I call it the Overhead of Judgement.  It’s just that after all the arguing and insulting and drama, we made the choice that our friendship is more important to us than our opinions.  On some level we realize that our friendship was probably founded in some common love of volleyball, running, craft beer or whatever, not some political framework or religious outlook.

The other day a relative posted something about Obama being a Muslim.  I forgot to grab a screenshot of the post or a link for reference but this or a similar one shouldn’t be too hard to find through some rudimentary Google-Fu.  I typed out the following comment:

He’s not a Muslim, but even if he were…so what?  it’s not illegal to be Muslim nor is it against the Constitution for a president to be Muslim.

Alas, I did not publish the comment.  For one thing, it would have started a family feud that I can do without.  Commenting would have been seen as firing an uncalled for volley in our on-again/off-again Family Cold War.  You never really know how much longer your relatives will walk this earth and your children should have an opportunity to hang out sometime besides at a family funeral.

Secondly, commenting like that might have upended the silent cease fire my conservative friends and I have going.  I really don’t need my conservative friends and my relatives having a flag waiving convention on my feed.

Finally, it’s not like relative would have said “oh you’re right.  As long as they are over 35 and born in the US of A …”

Article VI, paragraph 3 of the Constitution states: “The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”   — Source

To date not a single Jew, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh or other non-Christian has occupied the White House.  That is something we should talk about…now.
****************
Thank you for reading and I hope you will comment below. Here’s the part where I beg for stuff because we get paid in likes, shares, re-tweets and feedback. Please also do any and all of the following:

Follow Mysteries of Life on Twitter (@MysteriesOLife), Facebook or subscribe via email.

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Facebook makes it easy to not Like it

Earlier this month, Facebook began removing page likes from the Dead.  Essentially if your account was deactivated or memorialized, Facebook eliminated all your likes from the Ethernet.  This is actually a good thing because Facebook essentially distributes your posts to a small fraction of the people who like your page in order to gauge interaction.  Purging likes from closed accounts will give more accurate insights on followers,  making a distinction between accounts that have merely liked the page and people who actively follow it.  Dead people usually don’t interact.

For Pages with less than 500 likes, the effect probably wasn’t really that noticeable. I lost a handful of likes on Mysteries of Life Facebook page. Yet losing those sucks  because Page Admins like myself have worked very hard for the trickle of likes we get and to have them removed really hurts especially since Facebook has some strange reward system where the more likes you have the better your internet presence is.

It’s bad enough FB was generating fake likes with its own advertising tools

“When you make a post, Facebook distributes it to a small fraction of the people who like your page.  just to gauge their reaction.  if they engage, by liking commenting and sharing then Facebook distributes your post to more of your likes and even their friends.  if you accumulate fake likes FB initial distribution goes out to fewer real fans and therefore it receives less engagement and so consequently you reach a smaller number of people.  ”  source

The whole page thing is annoying anyway.  It seems like if you were early to the game you benefited because everyone was sharing the love and Liking the Pages but now like a lot of things, it’s so overdone and saturated that people just don’t care and act as though it’s a kidney instead of a click.

In the Email Era, one of the biggest lie people told was “I didn’t see that email”.  In the Facebook Age, people say the same about important status updates and requests such as invitations to like a page.  What really kills me is when a friend who ignored my invitation decides to create a page and invites me to like it.  WTF!  Even some current and former ChicagoNow bloggers have ignored my request.  Sniff.  Come on people, we’re all in this together.   Sad Trombone.

I’ll concede that is possible they missed the notification, perhaps buried in a bunch of others, or their security settings hide their like.  So I did an experiment.  I posted a status asking people to like if they haven’t already and changed my “notification” to only include a handful of friends.  This only yielded one or two more likes, about 5% ROI.

Then I went on a mini campaign where I FB-mailed 34 friends a personal note (as personal as cut and paste can be) asking them to like my page.  My results were:

16 new likes (roughly 50% ROI)
11 friends read but ignored
7 friends didn’t read the note*

One friend wrote back to suggest I post this in a group we both belong to…but did not like my page.  That last one really demonstrates what is wrong with the human race.  That friend has asked me many times to support her causes yet she cannot be bothered to click a button! Passive-aggressive dick!

See what I mean?  Facebook is exposing my dark side turning me into an angry mean blogger.

**************
Thank you for reading and I hope you will comment below. This is the part where I beg for additional support, so please also do any and all of the following:

• “Like” and “Share” this post using those buttons under the headline.
• follow me on Twitter
• see some mildly amusing photos and posts on my Facebook Fan Page.
• Subscribe by email below.

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Why I didn’t run the half marathon I trained for

could not earn one of these

The Ides of March came and went and I had to pass up the chance to run the March Madness Half Marathon even though the weather was perfect and I had trained fairly diligently  throughout winter.  They were even giving finisher medals, which  I don’t believe they did the last time I ran this race.  It would have been nice to add to my collection.

The plan was to spend the night in Bartlett at a relative’s home.  This served the dual purpose of seeing their new home, and maximizing my sleep before having to head out to Cary.  It was a nice opportunity to log family time and have another test run of what it is like to pack the twins up for traveling.  Unfortunately, Boris was being crabby all weekend and as it turns out with good reason.  He had a 102 fever and was up all night so I didn’t get much sleep. I also had somehow scratched my cornea and my eye was red and watering, something I hadn’t experienced since my days of contact lens (yay Lasik!).  Combine that with the fact that while I did the majority of the training, it would have been a sucky race for me.

While I never like to miss a race, this was definitely the right decision.  There would not have been any Race Day Magic or (half) Marathon Miracle in Cary that morning.  The March Madness Half Marathon is a tough course — Locals who are running the Boston Marathon usually run this race,  because not only does it usually aligns perfectly with the Boston Marathon training schedule but it is one of the few sources of hills in Illinois.  While training this winter I did manage to run more than 80% of the mileage.  However, my running form was still not effortless, like back in my heyday.

I’m not even miffed about the $50 entry fee since it will help the Cary high school cross country team out.  The only part I’m even remotely saddened about is that this year the weather was absolutely perfect and I would have been able to run in shorts.  This happens every few years but is obviously unpredictable.

Luckily for my ego, I have plenty of these

My son’s fever broke early Sunday morning and had I decided to still participate on almost zero sleep, my family would have supported that decision.  However, based on the previous week’s running, I would have probably run nonstop for two maybe three miles before having to walk and then the next 10 miles would probably have been torture.

My hope was that my training for and running of this half marathon would provide me with the necessary pseudo training for the Shamrock Shuffle in a couple of Sundays.  I can still run 5 miles but not fast or without stopping.  I guess we’ll see what happens this Sunday at the Shuffle.

stay tuned.

**************
Thank you for reading and I hope you will comment below. This is the part where I beg for additional support, so please also do any and all of the following:

• “Like” and “Share” this post using those buttons under the headline.
• follow me on Twitter
• see some mildly amusing photos and posts on my Facebook Fan Page.
• Subscribe by email below.

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

 

The No-Name Software Company: how I landed my first job in Information Technology

It was spring of 2000 and I was in my last quarter of G-School at DePaul. One evening after some database class ended and everyone was rushing toward the elevator, I lingered back. Night classes went until 9pm but they usually ended early and if you were lucky, they ended early enough to catch an 8:35 train to the burbs. I was back in the city and using the El but even so, catching an earlier Brown Line would have been just as much of an advantage. So it was odd that for some reason, I decided to hang back.

It was at this moment that Emram and I talked for the very first time. He asked me what I do (for a living) and — having just been let go from a Dotcom company — I said “nothing.” He found that odd but then realized that it meant I was unemployed and not happy about it. He told me his company was hiring and I should give him my resume. I think he gave me a business card, or perhaps he wrote his email down on a slip of paper. Back then Google was not a thing but I was smart enough to backward engineer a company from an email address.

I checked the No-Name Software Company website and there was a couple of positions I remotely thought I had qualified for. Six months ago Motorola turned me away because I didn’t have a degree or experience in IT and I didn’t think it would be much different this time even though I was technically six weeks away from graduating with a degree in computer science. The details are hazy but somehow an interview was set up for the following Tuesday, the same night as our class.

Had I more experience and a modicum of confidence, I would have realized how my interview was a sign of things to come. The person I was to interview with had forgot we had an interview. I was kept waiting for a relatively long time. A future coworker kept coming out and apologizing to tell me that Gavin would be right out.

We finally got together and talked and Gavin asked me a few database questions. One that I was sure I bombed was to demonstrate a join on the white board. I was trying to recall a right-join which even today I cannot do without looking it up (and by default all joins are right-joins unless you specify otherwise).

I had arrived at 1pm and left the interview around 4, so that gave me just under 2 hours to kill before class. When I saw Emram, he asked how it went and I told him that I probably blew it. Apparently I hadn’t because Gavin called me Friday night to offer me the job. I started working at the No-Name Software Company the day after my birthday about a month before graduation from g-school.  All because I took the time to chat with a classmate instead of rush out of the building after class ended.

Welcome to “This Blogger Life,” where each week ChicagoNow bloggers are given a theme from which they can write a blog post interpreting the topic in any way they want.

This week’s theme: “… and that’s the day my life changed”

**************
Thank you for reading and I hope you will comment below. Here’s the part where I beg for stuff because we get paid in likes, shares, re-tweets and feedback. Please also do any and all of the following:

Follow Mysteries of Life on Twitter (@MysteriesOLife), Facebook or subscribe via email.

 

4 misconceptions people have about techies

Here we go again.  I was talking with an old friend and she made a little comment that was meant to be harmless but was one part snide, one part rude with a little fear thrown in.  She said “well I’m not into technology like you.”

If I had a nickel for every time someone has acted like my adeptness in technology was like witchcraft, I would have a very strange way of earning money.

Even before I worked in Information Technology (IT), I’d get remarks like that whenever I showed any capability to navigate a new technology without fumbling like a fish out of water. The thing is, it wasn’t so much that I spoke “computer” better than anyone. I just used a combination of common sense, critical thinking and intuitiveness. The same way one should approach any life problem.  But because the magic of computers was behind the scenes, all electrons and ones and zeros, it scared them. And it was easier to put me down than to elevate their understanding. I guess they were confronting the simultaneously existential yet provincial terror of someone choosing to use the whole of their brain when it suits them.

Just means it is time to crush some of these stereotypes and misconceptions people have about people who work in information technology and other techies…..

#1) My cousin is a programmer, so he can help you set up your new computer

(Note: we stopped calling them programmers when they started reproducing in the wild.  The latest vernacular is Developers or  the pejorative Code Monkeys if you want to start a fight).
Do you go see a Dermatologist when you need a Cardiologist? Unless you have very crappy health insurance I assume the answer is no. The only things these two types of doctors have in common is they both (probably) took anatomy in med school and pay a hefty sum for malpractice insurance.

Your cousin’s ability to set up your new PC has nothing to do with her ability to write code*  If she happens to know something about computer hardware, it’s a lucky coincidence, not a requirement of her job.

Sure there is overlap in our knowledge and experiences, especially if you came up through the information technology trenches like most. But we don’t and cannot know everything. Sooner or later we start to specialize in one area and that means we DON”T know every corner of IT, from programming to networks to wifi routers.

#2)  You work with computers, you must know how to hack into a website or a database

By this logic, you have a parking ticket, therefore you must know how to successfully pull off a bank robbery.  The operative word is “successfully”.  A very small subset of IT professionals know how to really do all those things Hollywood make look so easy and fast using movie physics.  The reality is we either have to loosely interpret “hack” to mean guess the password of a poorly configured wifi router or understand that the hacking you see in the movies really takes hours and hours of work and a little bit of luck.

#3) We are really into technology at the expense of everything else

So let’s clear some things up. First, I’m not into technology. I don’t want to date technology, sleep with technology or even have technology over for coffee. There are things I hate about Tech just like everyone else. Proprietorship comes to mind.

That said, I’ve always viewed technology as a tool. If it makes your life easier, use it. If it doesn’t, don’t. With the caveat that if everyone around you is utilizing a technology, maybe just maybe you should consider getting on the band wagon.  I’m not saying run out and buy the latest and greatest Smart phone, iPad and streaming devices.  Just stop making your friends send you a fax because you don’t think this texting thing is gonna last.

#4)  If we are techies, we must like….Star Wars, Star Trek, D&D, video games, Cosplay…etc

this is yet another stereotype. Yes some of us like Star Wars. Some of us don’t. some of us like Star Trek but have never played Dungeons & Dragons in their lives. It’s no different than someone liking football but not baseball.  Or biking but not running.  We are very diverse and mostly human so please be kind and not judge us.  Or else we will cram your inbox with spam.   Just kidding, see #2.

 

**************
Thank you for reading and I hope you will comment below. Please also do any and all of the following — I know pushy right!

• “Like” and “Share” this post using those buttons under the headline.
• follow me on Twitter
• see some mildly amusing photos and posts on my Facebook Fan Page.
• Subscribe by email below.

Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.