This question seems to be a standard opening I get from a lot of people, many who run the gambit from close friend to virtual stranger. I usually answer with:
*) They do now.
*) Well they mostly crawl but they are working on walking.
Most people are just trying to make small talk and show some interest in my progeny. What they may not realize is that this seemingly innocent sentence is sometimes code for “did you use fertility drugs to make babies?”
Some parents are naturally sensitive to such a question for a variety of reasons. Some feel like they are inadequate or inferior because they needed science to make a baby. Spoiler alert: they aren’t either.
Some are up against a religious belief system that frowns upon or absolutely denounces IVF, but they still wanted babies. I know some devout people who criticize IVF users but make no bones about the birth control they were on in our college years.
Some don’t want to deal with the sanctimonious asshats who will say it isn’t natural. Neither is the car I drove to work or the highway I used to get there.
And some people didn’t use fertility drugs but they know that if they mention that they will come off as assclowns looking down on those who did use science or that no one will believe them anyway so what’s the point.
I am certainly not trying to right a PSA here and tell people not to ask that question. By all means, ask away. I think it helps alleviate whatever stigma exists about IVF and infertility. But I just thought it might be helpful to let you know why this question might be met with anything from a pregnant pause to a blank stare.
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