Dating and Romance, Life Lessons

Dear Single People: Married People don’t have a clue either

The following was posted by a friend of a friend on her Facebook page a while back:

Question:  Ok, married FB friends…what’s your secret? I’ve been on every dating site and am also very self-aware. I’d like to think I’m a catch!!! What’s the dilly-o?

My Answer:  No f-ing clue.  There isn’t any magic or secret.  Finding someone who wants to be with and spend their life with you as much as you want to be with them is 51% luck, 49% timing and the rest is both people deciding to be with each other.

Dating is a lot harder than it should be and I honestly don’t know why.   I’ve graciously accepted the blessing of Singledom Amnesia, essentially being able to forget how rough dating and navigating being single was.  But every now and again I’ll read a CN blog which focus around the dating life and the bad memories come crashing down.

Young couple sitting on subway train (blurred motion)  Photo credit: Sarah jcb/ / CC BY-NC-ND

Young couple sitting on subway train (blurred motion) Photo credit: Sarah jcb/ / CC BY-NC-ND

Back in my Single Daze, many a night was spent with friends over brews lamenting what was wrong with me.  Being friends/connected with some of the many ladies who took a pass on me, I see some of the guys then ended up with, even short-term, and I think OMG how damaged am I if she chose that serial killer/drug dealer/pedophile over me!

But therein lies My Mistake:  buying into the perception that something was wrong with me when I was single.

The default answer to Why You Are Still Single is because you haven’t found the right person yet.  However, you are the star of the Your-Name-Here Show and only you can honestly answer if you truly haven’t found the right person, or took a pass on a good match for a stupid reason or gave the wrong person too much of your time, or some combination of the above.

In 2008 my obsession with finding my dream house began in earnest.  I had a list of criteria I wanted, nay required.  And four years later we bought a house that pretty much had everything I wanted in some shape or form.  However, my House needs have changed since then.  While our house is still suitable, it does lack a few things a family with children could use.  It also has some shortcomings that were not immediately noticeable sans children.

My point is I think many people look for the partner they want/need now instead of looking for the one they will need later in life.  Good looks, great dancer and life of the party is great now, but they don’t pay the bills (Unless you are Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Or tend to a sick child at 2 in the morning.  or clean up baby puke or change a million diapers.

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