Becoming a Parent, Parent of Twins

It’s okay that my twins haven’t started talking yet

I’m a really bad parent.  For one thing, when someone asks me how old my rug rats are, I hesitate.  It takes me a minute to remember what freaking day and month it is because they are all the freaking same.  I also don’t speak Parentese very well because I will round up or down and say they’re a year and half or almost two instead of spitting out how long they have been on this earth down to the last minute.

“They’re 20 months, 8 days, 6 hours and 37 minutes old”

I refer to them collectively as Moose and Squirrel on this blog and individually as Boris and Natasha.  I know that’s mixing the pop culture reference but hey I’m a lousy blogger too.

But where I really suck at being a parent:  my twin toddlers haven’t started talking yet and I just don’t care.  I wish I could say it was because I’m being all zen and whatnot with “we have plenty of talkers in this world, what we need is more listens” but that’s BS.  The truth is, I have no fucks to give about this one.  I’m tired, sleep deprived and might just be wearing something my kid ate for breakfast on my shirt collar.

We are totally conspiring to take you down if you don't let us stay up past bedtime

We are totally conspiring to take you down if you don’t let us stay up past bedtime

Besides, it’s a well known established fact* that twins take longer to start talking than singletons because they have each other and their own special Twin Language which they obviously use to plot their takeover of the Universe.  [* Give me five minutes warning before you search so I can edit the Wikipedia page.]

Also I’ve talked to other twin parents including our own Dumpster Momma and they concur, twins start talking when they are good and ready. Dumpster Momma pointed out that there are different kinds of talking, words versus full on sentences versus baby-babblespeak.  She assured me that one day it kind of clicks and you forget they ever weren’t talking at all.

So what if they are part of the percentage that are behind the learning curve or Development curve or whatever and early intervention might mitigate some issues down the road?  The lack of caring I have about this particular scenario is ginormous.

I feel passionately about a great many things, but this isn’t one of them. I think they can talk but choose not to and will start speaking when they feel like it.

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