Hey Alderman: Let the teenager sell me alcohol already!

Scene:  Me in a long line at Jewel.  My Super Power is the ability to always choose the slowest moving line.  If there are three registers open, no matter which one I pick, it will grind to a halt.

Finally it’s my turn and the young checkout clerk (what do they call them these days?) processes my order.  He gets to my booze and has to get someone who is 21 to push a button.

Yes that’s right, the checkout clerk is not empowered to push the button because he might do this for his underage friends who might want to buy alcohol while he’s working.  Like teenagers don’t have a million other ways to get alcohol and other gateway drugs.

We have to wait for eternity (usually a minute or two but that ONE time it was upwards of 5 minutes) for the one 21 year old dude on staff for such an occasion to walk over and press a button.  Sometimes its a older lady who I imagine ponders the exact sequence of events that lead to her working at a grocery store in her golden years.

I’m not one to shout the Nanny State Warcry, but still, it’s a little much.  We have soda taxes and plastic bag taxes and technically we card everybody even if it is obvious they served in World War I.

Maybe we could just program the registers to scan my driver’s license so we can avoid the 2-5 minute wait.  Or maybe we could just trust the kid.  I’ve heard that giving teenagers a little responsibility is a good thing.

 

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Parents need kidproof appliances, not refrigerators that can stream Game of Thrones

I like technology as much as the next geek, but only to the extent that it either really helps make my life easier, or it is really cool without a high cost of entry.  Alas there are some technologies out there that miss both these markers and will not be seen in our household any time soon.

I’m so gonna take over this house while you are sleeping Inferior Human

I’m sure there is some benefit to having a fridge with a video screen. “Playing music, displaying the weather, showing a calendar, functioning as a digital whiteboard, and putting together a shopping list are all activities that might make sense on a fridge. Some other features, like mirroring your TV or smartphone contents” might be beneficial if you spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

What parents really need are refrigerators and stoves that are smart enough to prevent little children from fucking with them.  We have a french door fridge and for a long time, moose and squirrel could only open the freezer section.  Now that they are older (two and a half) they can reach the fridge doors quite easily.  They have the dexterity to open the doors but lack the understanding that they can break any of the ridunkulously expensive drawers within.  Don’t bother replacing those because finding the one for your exact model will be a Sisyphean task and will likely cost almost as much as a new fridge.

I want a fridge that will lock. Yes I know you can buy locks but those look ugly and are a PITA to open and close when you want something. How about a simple code or button that locks the fridge so toddler cannot open them? The best that is available today is you can lock the ice maker. BFD!

As for ovens, is it too much to ask for ones that with oven door locked? How about burner knobs that can be disabled and re-enabled when children are around?  I’m really not gonna leave food in my stove the way I do a slow cooker and use my phone app to monitor, preheat and adjust the oven’s temperature.

 

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