Evergreen Content, This Blogger Life, What I Learned This Week

Do you suffer from Weird Beard?

I have never really been able to grow my facial hair out fully. In my 20s, if I shaved on Monday, I would not get 5 o’clock shadow until about noon on Thursday.  Later in my 30s, the stubble showed up sooner, but it was still like nothing, nothing, nothing, then boom: 5 o’clock shadow that looked like I hadn’t shaved in a week.

I never minded because I’m not a beard, mustache, or goatee person. I know younger guys in leadership roles try to grow their beards to look older (think NFL Quarterbacks) and some guys see facial hair as a symbol of manhood.  I never gave any fucks about that.  The only time it really mattered was one October I wanted to grow some facial hair to augment my Halloween costume: Qui-Gon Jinn.

During this lockdown, shelter in place, self-quarantine, whatever we’re calling it, I decided to see what happens if I let it grow out. I was already putting off shaving in order to keep my blade supply alive. So I decided to see if I could look like Tony Stark.

before Goatee after Goatee

No luck on the Iron Man alter ego.  Naturally, I consulted the wisdom of my Facebook friends and the results were an even mixture of Yes, No and Do What Makes You Happy.  Some guys look great with facial hair, completely transforming their look.  I’m not really one of those guys.

I think it has taken me two weeks to get to just this point and I’m not really loving it.  It feels funny to have hair on my face and it’s kinda scratchy.  I turn 51 next week and to commemorate, I’m gonna shave it off.

 

Stay tuned.

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aggregation aggregation aggregation, Becoming a Parent, Evergreen Content, Holidays, Parent of Twins, Pop Culture, Wacky World Wednesday

It’s time to separate Trick-O-Treat from Halloween

Two years ago,  I wrote about my well documented desire to move Halloween to a potentially better weather day in October.  I’ve argued that it is time to embrace the practicality of celebrating this holiday on a day other than the last day of October because it is almost always too cold in most parts of the country for an enjoyable celebration.  And any historical or religious associations with Halloween are vestigial at best, at least in this country.

When I was a kid, I recall the majority of Halloweens growing up as being cold, dark and rainy. Think how disappointing it is to a kid being told that you cannot go trick-or-treating because it’s freezing cold outside or raining cats and witches.  Fun fact: the advanced forecast for Halloween 2019 in Chicago is Snow!

And as Susan over at Looking for the Good pointed out that until recently, it was dark out every year because they did the time change before Halloween back then, which might be good for scares but not good for kids who are Trick-O-Treating.

Over the years, there have been petitions to move Halloween to the Last Saturday of the month.  So far none have gained the necessary traction.  People just don’t like extreme change.   So maybe the compromise is to decouple Trick-O-Treating from Halloween proper.

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Recently, the Halloween & Costume Association, the group that petitioned to move Halloween to the last Saturday of Octoberproposed a new holiday: National Trick or Treat Day. It would fall on the last Saturday of October and thereby extend the official Halloween celebration, rather than moving it.

This takes the kid portion of Halloween and moves it to a more parent-friendly timeslot while letting Halloween purists still enjoy the true meaning of the holiday: hooking with people at costume parties!

It definitely will help alleviate some unintended consequences that parents of school-aged children face.  If Halloween falls outside of the weekend, parents still have to go to work the next day.  What if you have an important meeting the next day?  Do you really want to be out on the streets until 9 am begging for candy?   Or trying to get your kid out of bed for school the next day is even harder when they are sugar-drunk.  Teachers don’t appreciate having to deal with students who are recovering from a chocolate bar bender either.

If you think about it, many communities already do this unofficially.  They will have special Trunk-or-Treat events, Family-friendly parades or weekend block parties to substitute for going out on Halloween night.  Look, the traditions we associate with Halloween didn’t arrive all at once or from day one.  They evolved over time.  There is no reason we cannot continue to fine-tune Halloween and make it more modern while still honoring the traditional aspects.   

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I’m not what you would consider a superstitious person. Sure, I avoid walking under ladders, try not break any mirrors or open umbrellas inside of the house, but these are safety driven rather than superstition motivated. I’m not a friggatriskaideka or paraskevidekatriaphobe (and this is probably the only time I will ever use those words) nor do believe in rabbit’s feet or knocking on wood.

I think I’m somewhat superstitious in certain situations. I would say I’m Quasi-Superstitious or Quasistitious. Why not Semi-Superstitious, Demi-Superstitious or even Hemi-Superstitious?

I looked up Semi, Demi, Hemi, and Quasi is the prefix that works best. Although they all denote half, Semi is almost always used as a quantity qualifier. Its sibling Hemi is used mostly as a technical nomenclature in fields like chemistry, biology, and anatomy. Their kissing cousin Demi is more ceremonial and often implies “lesser.” A demigod, after all, is not quite the real thing.

Quasi is more appropriate because it means seemingly apparent but not really.  Like kinda pregnant.

Getting back to my Quasistitious-ness….The belief that bad luck comes in threes is a good example of how I sometimes partake of the superstition kool-aid.  A couple of things go wrong, and I start to look for the next bit of bad luck.

Recently, my wife sprained her ankle and we also had a tire blow out while driving to Michigan. My cell phone also mysteriously stopped connecting to our cellular network (looking at you T-Mobile) and we are hoping that those are The Three.

But if you think about it, you can always find three things that are both bad luck and in close proximity.  So maybe the Power of Three is really just good old-fashioned confirmation bias.  

Maybe the best explanation for my Quasistitious comes from a show that jumped the shark a long time ago:

“Superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can’t. Find a penny pick it up, and all day long you will have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck, but does saying it 33 times really help? I mean is anyone really listening, and if no one is listening why do we bother doing those strange things at all? We rely on superstition because we are smart enough to know we don’t have all the answers, and that life works in mysterious ways. Don’t diss the ju ju from wherever it comes.”

Let me know your thoughts on Superstitions in the comments below and thanks for reading.

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Becoming a Parent, Dating and Romance, Evergreen Content, Life Hacks, Parent of Twins, Practical Life Lessons, Two for Tuesday

Every Couple needs a Secret Language

Every couple, gay or straight, whether married or in a LTR, needs their own secret language. I’m not talking Lovey-Dovey baby talk but some simple words, phrases and even gestures that seem straightforward to circumstantial eavesdroppers, but have a clandestine meaning to you and your partner.  Think of these as your safe words for non-sexual situations.

The Couple by Ryan Lintelman

You can just feel the passion burning between these two!    (Photo Courtesy of Ryan Lintelman)

One common event every couple goes through is a situation where one of you wants to leave a scene and the other may not or may not be aware. Nightingale and I don’t have this yet because we can still use the ole “gotta go, kids are about to have a meltdown,” but I have come up with what I call the Traffic Light Protocol.

  • Green Light
  • Yellow Light
  • Red Light

Let’s say you are at a party and you are done doing the smiling and making small talk and just want to go home, but it’s not urgent. A Green Light phrase might be “honey, did we remember to take the laundry out of the washer? I don’t want mold to set in on my work clothes.”

In the Green Light phase, you’re telling your mate that they have about 20-30 minutes to make the rounds, talk to anybody they really want to speak with and then get out of there. You are going to turn into a pumpkin soon.

Now let’s imagine a different scenario. Same party but perhaps its even duller and you just are not feeling it. A Yellow Light phrase might be “honey, I’m pretty sure we didn’t take the laundry out of the washer and I don’t want mold to set in on my work clothes.”

This is a way to say okay wrap up with ever smooching and dealing you’re doing, but don’t engage anyone new and let’s get out of here in 15 minutes or less. You are turning into a pumpkin right now.

Now let’s imagine the same party but perhaps something transpires that irks you or someone is there that annoys you, or you’ve already given the Green or Yellow alert. A Red Light phrase might be “honey, our neighbor just texted that our laundry room is flooded.”

This is the 2-minute warning. You are beyond your limit and are going to turn a Rage Beast in 30 seconds or less. Wrap it up. No long good-byes.

One last thing: You must use these sparingly and judiciously. Also, you definitely should not use phrases that will blatantly insult anyone’s intelligence.

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Dark Matters, Evergreen Content, Wacky World Wednesday

Doxing is bad, but it’s even worse when you do it to the wrong person

Hey, didja hear the news? The guy who moved in down the street is a child molester who burned down an orphanage and kicks puppies. Kicks puppies! Let’s go give him a piece of our mind.  I heard it from a friend, who heard it from her brother’s girlfriend’s, uncle’s cousin’s, baby momma’s doctor who lived next door to an old class mate’s mail man, so it has to be true.

Mob burns down his house.

Oh hey, turns out we had the wrong Mr Nobody. Whoops, our bad.

Doxing: search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the Internet, typically with malicious intent.

 

People mean well but execute poorly.  After the shooting of Trayvon Martin, Spike Lee posted what he thought was the address of George Zimmerman.  The address in question, however, turned out to belong to Elaine and David McClain, who had nothing to do with the shooter.

“My youngest son, his last name is Zimmerman and his middle name is George,” Elaine McClain told Orlando’s WKMG TV.Apparently Lee obtained the address from one of his Twitter followers and as is par for the course with social media, shared it quickly without vetting it.  Now he is being sued for $1.2 million.

Remember Cecil the Lion?  He was hunted and killed by a Minnesota dentist named Walter Palmer.  This sparked an international outcry and greater scrutiny of trophy hunting wild animals.  The outcry lasted almost a month but I’m not so sure about the other part.  But lost in all that is the fact that many outraged individuals visited Palmer’s office and harassed his staff…who had NOTHING to do with their employer’s actions.

It’s hard to keep up but recently there were two other people who committed terrible and perhaps unnecessary acts against fellow world citizens and public opinion outrage ensues.

A Walgreens pharmacist refused to provide an Arizona woman with miscarriage medication, citing his ethical beliefs. I never understood why people with these beliefs become pharmacists. It’s not like you didn’t know you’d have to fill these prescriptions in pharmacy school!

I’m having trouble finding a legitimate news site to verify but someone posted on Facebook that a woman was kicked off a Delta flight at the Fort Wayne International Airport over a dispute about whether or not the woman’s phone was on airplane mode.  Honestly, the electronics causing interference on flights is a bit suspect,  but rules are rules.

Let’s not forget that revealing the identity of Wrigley Field’s most infamous fan sent him into hiding for the better part of two decades.

The point of all this is that even though your intentions may be good, your actions may help pave the Road to Hell.  Life is filled with unintended consequences and you just never know what might happen if you provide an angry crowd with the address of a person who had a moment of dickness.  Maybe their 4 year old kid has to learn about  bad words much sooner than any parent would like, or worse.

There are other ways to get back at these people.  Better, legitimate ways that are perhaps a little harder to implement but have much more satisfying effects with fewer unintended consequences as the byproduct.

 

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When it comes to winters in the Midwest, they are something else.  Not as brutal as Antarctica, Alaska or Greenland, but definitely a class of their own.  Chicago is particularly interesting because it is possible to experience all four seasons in one day, even in the winter!

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Now the Woman’s Edition will take bit longer to put together.  Each of the types of coat I showed has at least 3 counterparts in different colors, sizes and levels of cuteness.  In the meantime, check out Kathy Mathews piece she wrote for a while back.

 

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Evergreen Content, Life Hacks, Life Lessons

The 7 winter coats you need to survive Chicago Winters – Men’s Edition

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Current Events, Evergreen Content

Gun Culture Reform: Time for a Serious Discussion

By now you have heard about The Shooting at The Place where So Many innocent and defenseless bystanders were slaughtered like lambs.  Of course I’m talking about what is now called the  #CharlestonShooting on social media.  But since this post has been sitting in my drafts folder since The Dark Knight Rises Midnight Massacre in 2012, I can be talking about any of the senseless gun massacres that have occurred within the last decade or the next one around the corner.

“I’ve had to make statements like this too many times… at some point, we as a country will have to reckon with the fact that this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries.” – President Obama

A few weeks ago everyone was arguing what the definition of Hero was.  Now they are debating what constitutes Terrorism.  Over the next few days and weeks, this tragic event will be politicized and exploited in a zillion different ways. It will be used to argue various agendas and advance specific narratives.  I’m cynical enough to know that we won’t resist the urge to engage in that pettiness, but not so jaded that I still don’t hope this time will be different somehow.  That something inside of us will say enough with the excuses and the finger pointing and the spin doctoring and everyone will instead demand we fix the problems instead of the dictionary.

I’m not here to give concrete solutions about the gun problem our world faces because I don’t have any.  That is going to take a conversation between much smarter people than I.  I don’t know nearly enough about every aspect but I am constantly reading up.  Addressing this topic right now feels like it would be sticking my head into a hive of angry hornets and why would I want to do that?

Which brings me to the point of this post.  Here are some things We ALL must stop doing before we can have any hope at all of creating a solution.

Stop Stereotyping the Sides
I’ve shot guns on more than a few occasions and I use to have a FOID card.  And I’m pissed that the City of Chicago spent all that money fighting a losing battle in court to try and prevent guns in the city. That said, I’d prefer there be no guns at all and truthfully, less of the other ways for one tribe of humans to annihilate another tribe (bombs, bazookas and drones).

Not everyone who owns a gun is a closed minded racist inbred bigot who feels that the government ought to stay out of its business.  Not everyone who is for reasonable gun reform is a liberal pansy who feels that guns are evil and should only be used by the police and military.  Stop alienating gun aficionados by referring to them as “gun nuts.”

Stop telling Ghost Stories around the camp fire
I believe people who argue that defensive uses never save lives are being just as disingenuous as those who claim that guns don’t increase the death rate. There are tons of stories of a child who finds Daddy’s gun and shoots their little brother.  But there are also anecdotes of people who used a gun to safely defend themselves.  You can find examples of both  ad nauseam.

(photo courtesy of Jenny Addison) This is such a heavy subject I really need some innocent cuteness to get through it

(photo courtesy of Jenny Addison)
This is such a heavy subject I really need some innocent cuteness to get through it

Stop putting all gun related violence into the same bucket
As it turns out, big, scary military rifles don’t kill the vast majority of the Americans murdered with guns each year. Little handguns do.

“In 2012, only 322 people were murdered with any kind of rifle, F.B.I. data shows. The continuing focus on assault weapons stems from the media’s obsessive focus on mass shootings, which disproportionately involve weapons like the AR-15, a civilian version of the military M16 rifle. This, in turn, obscures some grim truths about who is really dying from gunshots.”   The Assault Weapon Myth

Its interesting that when it is an inner city neighborhood escalation it is called “cultural propensity toward violence and retribution.” and when it is higher income suburbia, it’s just road rage.

Stop having fun with words where Guns are concerned
Politicians want to get elected and re-elected so they do the automatic weapons ban dance.  They come down hard on banning “assault rifles” or “automatic weapons” but here’s the thing.  What is an assault weapon?  As opposed to a blend in and not offend anyone weapon?  Other than revolvers all guns are automatic in that you can reload them quickly.  The distinction is really between fully automatic weapons (which have been banned for ages) and semi-automatic which essentially means you have to wait a precious two or three seconds before you can fire another round!

True Automatic Rifles are a small subset of the type of guns that are out there.  It’s like fighting the war against second hand smoke by banning pipes but allowing cigars and cigarettes in your non-smoking section.

What I’m trying to say, is that the arguments above and others meaningless ones are just distractions and always seem to stop the conversation from even beginning.   Until we actually have a discussion about what is and isn’t an acceptable role for guns in our society, we  are doomed to continue the Litany of Tragedies:

  • Sandy Hook,
  • the moviegoers of Aurora, Colo.,
  • the children of Newtown,
  • the Charlestown Shooting,
  • Orlando (updated)
  • Las Vegas (updated)
  • [insert next tragedy here]

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Evergreen Content, Free Fun Friday, Holidays, Pop Culture

Dibs in Chicago, it’s that time of year again

Dibs a comingWith Winter here and snowfall coming any day now, it’s never too early to start thinking about winter parking and that wonderful Chicago Tradition called “Dibs.”

Dibs, in case you didn’t know, is that time-honored or hated tradition of reserving a parking space during the winter snow.  It’s kind of like pornography, everyone knows what it is but no one knows exactly how to define it.

Here’s something someone named Beeb wrote on Everyblock about Dibs:

I’m an old foggie who’s lived in Chicago all my life. Let me tell you about what “dibs” is supposed to be. First of all, when I was a kid, it only happened during big snowstorms of 8 inches or more. Second, the side streets were NEVER plowed in those days, and so the snow built up and built up and it was a skidding sliding mess with the tracks where cars drove two or three inches of thick glare ice. So cleaning out your space made sure you didn’t hit other parked cars. Third, the “dibs” was only good for about 3 days at most, until others had a chance to dig their own cars out, and more spaces were available. Fourth, there were fewer cars – one per family at most, and many families didn’t own cars, so crowding was not a problem.

But I guess the whole thing is getting out of hand. And it’s too bad, because it was a very neighborly practice that respected the labor it takes to do the work to clean out a space. But I guess when people think 3 inches of snow justifies saving the space, well, I can see how others who have to park get pissed.

So now I guess we’ll have to become real a-holes and get aldermen involved and be self righteous and antagonistic toward each other because we’re RIGHT. Please, let it go. To the people who try to save their space, you’re going to have to realize you can’t do it. They’ll make a law against it. And now the streets will be hard to park in. To the people taking the space, shovel a little yourself if you park on the block. I don’t know, Chicago is getting to be a jerky place to live.

Dibs has obviously come a long way since Beeb was a boy!

You could also define Dibs by the kind of Dibs-object you put in your Dibs-spot:

“A broom vs a broken chair vs your grandma’s really nice rocking chair; ie, would you be likely to move the broom and ignore the dibsing because they were crappy about saving their spot? At what point do you have to seriously consider that maybe the dibs-object is actually just trash?” — Thanks to my fellow ChicagoNow blogger Holly Lipschultz for this one.

I propose the following definitions:

  • Third Degree Dibs:  You shovel your spot, reserve it with crappy furniture but then you relinquished it once the snow has sufficiently melted.
  • Second Degree Dibs:  You shovel your spot, reserve it with crappy furniture but then you hold onto it even after the snow has sufficiently melted so that there isn’t any issue parking beyond the normal more cars than available street space ratio.
  • First Degree Dibs:  This is the worst.  You don’t shovel anything at all.  All you do is simply move your car and place an old broom and two broken chairs in its place to reserve the spot.
  • Dibs Slaughter:  you take someone’s spot that they vacated when they drove away by placing junky furniture in it’s place.

What do you think?  Is dibs dependent on what kind of dibs-object you put in your dibs-spot?   Are some forms of Dibs more despicable than others?  Please let us know what you think in the comments.

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Okay when I say Life Hacks, I really mean changes that need to be implemented in this world that would make my our lives easier.  And when I say quick and easy I mean there’s a two part process involved but the tools, infrustructure or just plain “we put a man on the moon, we can do this” already exists.  It just takes someone high enough on the corporate food chain to say “make it so” and the possible implementation of technology that already exists.

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Why we need to move Halloween

These are not evil bats out of Hell, they are misunderstood mammals

These are not evil bats out of Hell, they are misunderstood mammals

Depending on who you ask, Halloween is a yearly celebration that either honor the dead, or flat out worships evil. Many believe Halloween is a pagan rite dating back to some pre-Christian festival among the Celtic Druids, which split from the mainline Pagan groups over dogmatic changes and a particularly contentious game of Monopoly. Some schools even ban it outright so as not to offend the one Jehovah witness who cannot celebrate. And hey, even the Catholics are starting to get involved.

I’ll leave all that for the alien anthropologists that explore our post-apocalyptic planet to decide. What I want to talk about today is the practicality of celebrating this holiday in its present form on the last day of October.

When I was a kid, I recall the majority of Halloweens growing up as being cold, dark and rainy. As in sucky weather for trick-o-treating, which was the sole motivation for it being my favorite holiday. I’m not even sure I thought if it as a holiday in the true sense of the word. I just knew I liked scary things and getting free candy. Think how disappointing it is to a kid being told that you cannot go trick-or-treating because it’s freezing cold outside and raining cats and witches.

And when I got to be an adult (not to be confused with Grown Up) I learned that Halloween equaled parties with lowered inhibitions. Those who celebrate Samhain — pronounced “sah-win” or “sow-in.” — consider it a liminal time, when the veil between life and death grows thin. I considered it a time when the odds of me scoring improved greatly.

Eric Zorn has advocated this for years and fortunately, he re-posted it today:

It’s always too dark and almost always too cold on Oct. 31 for a proper celebration. At least half of the costumes are concealed by winter coats. And the historical associations with Halloween are by now so tangential to the actual date that moving it would offend few sensibilities.

I don’t know about sensibilities since people seem to get their panties in a bunch about lots of stupid things. I’m not even sure who we ask to change this! I read somewhere that Congress and the President have changed Thanksgiving throughout the years to suit their needs. Somebody get on this right away…you got until next year to fix it.

Happy Halloween, All Hallow’s Eve and Samhain!

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