Life Lessons, Two for Tuesday

Being caught in the middle when friends fight is awful

A long time ago, in a Liberal Arts College far, far away, a couple friends were not getting along. Actually to say they weren’t getting along would be like saying Russia and Ukraine are having growing pains.  What they were fighting about isn’t important, but it is amusing so I’ll share. Cindy was pissed at Linda because she made out with Jane’s boyfriend. Jane and Cindy were BFFs and felt Linda’s indiscretion was, I don’t know what exactly since a few years later, Cindy and Jane’s ex-boyfriend did the horizontal mambo themselves.

NMSU-Truman State

When I went there it was called NMSU. It changed when Missouri discovered one of the Presidents was from there.

Also, although they broke up, Jane’s boyfriend got off (no pun intended) relatively Scott free. That’s right, Girl Power hadn’t been invented yet and instead of holding Jane’s boyfriend accountable, he was rewarded with sex with Cindy a year or two later. The make out session occurred in late December and Cindy gave Linda the cold shoulder for the entire Spring semester. She did everything she could to make Linda’s life uncomfortable and unpleasant. We were members of Alpha Phi Omega a service fraternity and the requirements — besides the whole In Friendship, Leadership and Service thing — would force them to be together on various projects. The funny thing is, Jane didn’t really care especially since she was gone. She transferred to another school because she completed her program at NMSU.

Then at the end of the semester, Cindy had an epiphany or something because she apparently apologized for how she treated Linda. I wasn’t there so I don’t know if it was one of those fake apologies or a sincere one.

I asked Linda about it once, and she said something like — keep in mind, I’m going off more than two decades of old memories here:

It’s nice that Cindy apologized but it doesn’t really undo the sixteen weeks of hell she put me through to get here especially since that was my last semester..

I was thinking about Linda’s declaration the other day and the story that goes with it. Over the years I’ve had perhaps more than my fair share of falling out with friends. At the time, I was angry at the other person, but looking back through the lens of time, I can see that they had as many reasons to be pissed off at me as I did to be angry with them. Sure, I’m the common denominator so that’s my demon and I face it more often than I like. Still, in most conflicts, rarely is one side 100% to blame. Perhaps someone is more to blame or perhaps someone has a better PR campaign and mutual friends pick the wrong time to either take sides or stay neutral.

Today there doesn’t seem to be a point in the future where a former group of friends and I reconcile our differences.

Still with enough time, anything is possible.

This post is a re-post from an old blog/column I wrote for another medium a long time ago. I’ve tweaked it a little to bring it up to date while hopefully keeping the content intact.

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Selling a Home, Two for Tuesday

Not the brightest realtor out there

Ever so often a realtor I worked with or met back when I was house hunting will reach out to me and ask if I found a house or if there is anything they can do to help.  Usually it’s an agent I met at an open house who then added me to their mailing list even though I didn’t ask them to or they offered to be my agent if the one I’m working with didn’t work out.

Today I got an email from one such agent.  He sent the following:

Greetings

Interest rates are expected to rise in 2015. If you haven’t bought a property yet, now is the time ! Please call/text me at 773-4xx-4xxx

Sincerely,
Rusty Reagan

I could ignore these but I try to be nice so I sent him the following note:

we bought a home in Nov 2012..If you happen to have a buyer for my condo, please send him our way.

And I included a hyperlink to the listing of my condo.  The very next email I get from him was:

Is your condo listed?

Not a very observant fellow but I did feel much better not letting him help me find a house.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt and replied:

yes, perhaps you didn’t notice the link  I sent, here it is again.

I already suspected how this would play out but I always love to get anecdotal proof.  He sent a reply that simply said thank you.  Which I hope means I’ll take you off my mailing list.

You’d think he would write back something like congrats on finding your home, good luck with selling your condo and if a buyer approaches me, I’ll be sure to contact your agent for a showing, both of us knowing no such thing would ever occur.   If someone were to call this guy 5 minutes after our last email and said “I’m looking for a two bedroom condo in Albany Park” I guarantee you the neurons would not fly across his brain making the connection.

The reality is realtors don’t work that way.  They rely on database searches to match clients with properties. And it’s not only too bad but extremely short sighted. Not only is there a chance that we might buy another house someday but we would definitely recommend a good realtor to our friends and relatives when they do their House-Hunting Adventures, because Good Realtors are hard to find these days. Rusty is certainly proof of that.

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Life Lessons, Two for Tuesday

Hey dude blocking my driveway: is it really that hard to be a decent World Citizen?

My next door neighbor has been having some work done to his yard this summer. It looks really good and I have no issue with anyone trying to improve their property. The thing is, at least once a week the work crew blocks my driveway. Usually they only block my driveway for 10-15 minutes. However, last Friday I was working from home and noticed his vehicle once again parked blocking my driveway even though there were dozens of other open spots on the block.

You want me to park across the street? what am I a commoner!

You want me to park across the street? what am I a commoner!

 

I thought perhaps there was something I wasn’t realizing about the situation. I wondered why an apparently able bodied young man couldn’t park legally 10-15 ft further in either direction.  So while taking a coffee break on my porch stoop, the driver happened to walk toward his vehicle presumably to get something. I called out, in a non-threatening neutral tone:

“any particular reason why you need to block my driveway instead of park legally?”

Not wanting to assume the worse, I hoped he would enlighten me with some point of view I had not considered. Perhaps he was only going to be there for a few minutes like before. Or maybe because he drives a truck the size of a small tank, it is necessary to have the drive way so that he can jump out of his car easier. Instead of explaining he simple said [Direct Quote]:

“you want me to move? I move.”

I replied: “if you’re only staying for a few minutes, it’s fine. Otherwise please explain why you parked there instead of all the free legal spots on the street?”

He simply ignored me, got in his car and parked across the street. I didn’t really think much about it but i was starting to feel like a schmuck since he was all sheepish about it.
image

 

I finished my coffee and went back to work. During a break between calls, I noticed he was still in the neighbors back yard, staining a deck. This is not a 10 minute task. Apparently his Master Plan all along was to stain the deck with his car parked blocking my drive way the whole time.

Here’s the interesting thing: The spot in front of my neighbor’s house is ALWAYS open. The reason: there is a fire hydrant. This guy knew enough not to park in front of a fire hydrant but somehow doesn’t realize that parking in front of a drive way is wrong? Come. On.

MUNICIPAL CODE OF CHICAGO

Bookmark9-64-100 Parking prohibited – Fire hydrants, firelanes and various locations.

It shall be unlawful to park any vehicle in any of the following places:

(a) Within 15 feet of a fire hydrant;

(b) In a firelane;

(c) At any place where the vehicle will block vehicular access to or use of a driveway, alley or firelane;

Rather, he knows parking in front of the hydrant sends a clear “I’m a F-ing douche bag” message to everyone who passes by while also just asking for a Parking Enforcement Agent to write an easy ticket. Parking in front of my drive way is less risky. Most people will just assume it is the owner’s car because what kind of dick would block someone’s driveway!

This isn’t the first time he’s done something to piss off the block either.  Earlier this summer, he started working on the neighbors yard before 8am, making a lot of noise.  The neighbor on the other side not so politely told him there are noise ordinances and he shouldn’t be doing that stuff before 8am.

image

People have suggested things from calling the cops to writing something in lipstick on his car to even rolling a wheel barrel full of bricks down my driveway. I won’t do any of that because once this escalates, it doesn’t end well for me. He knows where I live and I cannot watch my house 24/7. It’s just too bad that this guy is so lazy that he cannot do the decent thing and park legally like a decent world citizen.

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Life Hacks, Pop Culture, This Week on Facebook, Two for Tuesday

Facebook Life Hack: An alternative to de-friending

Updated: When I started working on this post, it was as a compliment to my other Two for Tuesday post. However, after doing some diligent fact checking…okay I went to grab a screen capture and found that my information is now obsolete. Apparently Facebook changed things again!

Still the point in this post still stands. There are alternatives to simply unfriending/defriending someone just because they annoy you on Facebook. Note: the Facebook Action is properly called Unfriend, but it is referred to in social media jargon as de-friending.

People in the Facebook World tend to be reactionary. Over-reactionary in fact. Unless you only have single digit friends and they are clones of yourself, chances are one or more of your friends have a slightly different viewpoint, philosophy or Belief System on everything from key subjects (abortion, death penalty, politics, even sports team) to non-issues like whether ketchup belongs on a hotdog.

When you unfriend someone on Facebook this is what happens
1. That person does not appear on your Facebook friends list
2. You can see each other on Facebook search
3. You can still message each other
4. You can read the other person’s wall
5. You can still re-add each other as friends

Source:  http://sociolatte.com/difference-between-unfriend-and-block-on-facebook/

You probably never even realized that your friend feels differently than you because in real life, you don’t connect over your differences, you connect over common ground. You aren’t friends with Fred from your Softball League because you respect that his stance on government spending, while vastly different than yours, is well thought out and articulated. You’re friends because he can field a double play, picks up the first round and played wingman for you that time.

When you unfriend someone on Facebook this is what happens
1. That person does not appear on your Facebook friends list
2. You can see each other on Facebook search
3. You can still message each other
4. You can read the other person’s wall
5. You can still re-add each other as friends

Source:  http://sociolatte.com/difference-between-unfriend-and-block-on-facebook/

Then you find out that he doesn’t see something like the George Zimmerman Trial, Malaysian Flight MH17 or whatever current event is cluttering the news wires the same way you do. To each their own right? Except he also cannot seem to shut up about it either. If you defriend them on Facebook, you might regret it later when you see them In Real Life.

So if you want to not see rants from Uncle Racist or Cousin Tree Hugger or just not have your feeds cluttered with social political bullshit during the upcoming mid-term elections, you can hide the person from your feed.

I’m not sure if this can be done easily from a phone or tablet app so you might have to log into a good old fashioned browser to do this, but trust me: it’s worth it.

Step 1) click on your friend’s profile (or alternatively, hover your mouse over your friend’s profile)

Step 2) highlight Get Notifications

Step 3)  Choose the level that fits your needs: All Updates  |  Most Updates  | Only Important

Note:  as mentioned above, this refinement doesn’t work anymore.  Typical Facebook!  Back in the day, you could hover your mouse and choose See Less of/See More of a person.  Then they had Notification Settings.  Now you have to do an all or nothing.

I did find a workaround along with a few more great hacks at BuzzFeed, including a way to clean up your news feeds.  Click here while logged in to Facebook and you will be taken to a page full of friends you haven’t interacted with in a while. Click all of the ones you want to see less in your News Feed.

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Life Hacks, Pop Culture, This Week on Facebook, Two for Tuesday

Facebook Life Hack: How to handle those stupid Chain Posts

Has this ever happened to you? You are reading through your Facebook feed, sorting through all the cat pictures, memes and status updates that are much happier than the people are In Real Life when suddenly you see a strange or unusual status on a friend’s status. Without thinking you like or comment and the next thing you know, that friend PMs you to tell you you have to post something similar.

You know that by clicking “like” to my boobs post you entered into the 2014 Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign… If you haven’t already played, you have to pick one of the 14 statements, below and post to your status. Don’t be a spoil sport choose your poison, and change your status 1 – Damn diarrhea 2 – Just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket 3 – Anyone have a tampon, I’m out 4 – How do you get rid of foot fungus? 5 – Why is nobody around when I’m horny? 6 – No toilet paper goodbye socks! 7 – Someone offered me a job as a prostitute but I’m hesitant. 9 – I’ve decided 2 stop wearing underwear. 10 – It’s confirmed.. I’m going to be a daddy/mummy. 11 – I really don’t know how 2 tell anyone and I’m sick of hiding it I’m gay. 12 – Guess it was 2 good 2 b true I’m pregnant. 13 – Just won £900 on a scratch card 14 – I’ve just found out I’ve been cheated on for this past 5 months. Post with no explanations.

We’ve all been there. Now the obvious thing to do is de-friend them. But maybe they bring some value to table in some other way or it would make holiday dinners awkward and you never know when they might leave you something in their will.

You may already know this trick but in case you don’t, here’s how you comply without looking like an idiot to the rest of your Facebook feed (or any more of an idiot than you already are if you are…me):

Step 1) Copy and paste one of the status options as instructed.

Step 2) Before posting click drop-down where it says Public:

 

FB1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 3) click on Custom

FB2

Step 4) type in the name of the friend that asked you to do this insane chain post

FB3

Step 5) Post away.

Only that friend will see that status but to them it will appear as if you sent it to your entire feed.

You’re welcome!

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Life Lessons, Running Related, Two for Tuesday

Three Things I may NEVER Accomplish but have NOT Given Up on

In the book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell studied the lives of extremely successful people in vastly different fields to find out how they achieved success.  Apparently Gladwell determined one common denominator was that the best and the brightest spent roughly ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field.

The following are things I’ve dabbled with on and off over the years. While I cannot definitively say that I’ve invested 10,000 hours consecutive hours on them, I have pursued these goals with some marginal forward progress.

In no particular order, I’m going to expand on them a little more:

  • Learn to speak Polish fluently
  • Qualify for the Boston Marathon (BQ)
  • Write a book and have it published

Learn to speak Polish fluently

In 2009 I purchased the Rosetta Stone software. I bought all three levels figuring I might as well go all in especially since they had a guarantee that if you don’t learn the language after 6 months you can return it. My plan was to spend an hour an evening pushing through the exercises. Unfortunately, it was also summer, i just met Nightingale and let’s just say I didn’t use the program much. I could have been a Dbag and asked for my money back, but the problem was my lack of effort and I owned that. so it has sat pretty dormant though i fire it up from time to time.

Writing Skills:  It's not easy to remember how to spell foreign words in the early stages of Rosetta Stone.

Writing Skills: It’s not easy to remember how to spell foreign words in the early stages of Rosetta Stone.

Why I might not succeed: it’s hard to learn a new language especially once you are an adult. Add to the fact that I don’t have to learn this language as in need to in order to survive.

Why I’m not giving up: I’ve been using my Rosetta Stone software program with greater frequency of late. and it is starting to feel like something is sticking. I know enough Polish to pretend to not speak any English when a member of PETA stops me downtown and asks me to sign a petition and donate money.  There’s also always the chance some new technology will come along (language DNA injections anyone?)

Qualify for the Boston Marathon

Just finishing your first or second marathon is accomplishment enough. When you do more than that, you’re targeting a specific time, usually to Boston Qualify. Since that dream has pretty much been filed away with my childhood desire to be an astronaut, there’s really no reason I can think of to run another marathon today.

Why I might not succeed: my faster marathon time is 3:29:52 in 2006. Back then, even with the BA giving you an extra 60 seconds bonus, I was 15 minutes too slow. Since then my marathon times as well as my running endurance have diminished. I had my knee scoped in 2010 and haven’t been able to duplicate my previous success. Meanwhile it’s even harder to get into Boston. A few years ago they tightened up the qualifying times, eliminated the bonus minute and also made it a sort of seeded event with this rule:

The acceptance of official race entrants will be based on qualifying time, with the fastest qualifiers (in relation to their age and gender) being accepted first until the race is full

This means that for every age group there are only so many slots so even if you hit the range, if there are more people your age who ran just faster than you, you still miss out.

Why I’m not giving up: I do believe there is at least one more marathon in my future. Possible a few more throughout my sunset years.  Just as I went from a 4 hour marathon to a 3:30, it’s possible I can achieve some peaks again. Also the BA has made it harder to get into now, it’s possible they might someday ease the criteria so that old guys get in. And with all this stem cell research and mapping of the human genome, there’s gotta be a way to grow cartilage back…amiright?

Write a book and have it published

I’m a good writer. How do I know this? in high school I got good grades in writing even though my cursive writing was atrocious. What I lacked in pretty packaging, I made up for in content. In college I got to be the editor of the student newspaper at UIC, a university that did not have a Journalism School.  That said, I didn’t make it as a journalist and have simply dabbled in writing whenever I get the chance.  I blog so that I can exercise my writing muscle. These days I average 4000 pageviews a month, which is 100 times what I was getting when I wrote strictly about our house-hunting adventures, but still not quite enough to get me consistently into the top 20 blogs on ChicagoNow. And that is okay because blogging on ChicagoNow provides a vehicle to practice my craft without too much pressure.

self publishing for dummies

Why I might not succeed: it takes a lot of time to write something and then publish and self promote. With electronic publishing and the self-publishing movement, there are a lot of Indie Authors out there to compete with and while we wouldn’t necessarily be competing directly with one another (read my RomCom/Scifi/mystery novel) we would be vying over the limited funds of people generous enough to give unknown authors a chance.

why I’m not giving up: With e-Publishing and the Indie Book Movement, this is the most likely goal I can achieve.  All I really need is a good idea and the discipline to hammer out 200 pages of dribble and pay to have it printed, even in electronic format, I have met that goal.  If someone buys a copy, that’s just extra gravy.  And if I’m really lucky, Oprah will like it and The Vatican will boycott it.

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Polish Culture, Two for Tuesday

Get your Pulaski Day Scholarships at the PMA

PRESS RELEASE:  The Polish Museum of America (PMA) is pleased to announce The Polish Museum of America Pulaski Day Scholarship Program.  The scholarship recipients will be introduced at the annual official State of Illinois Pulaski Day Celebration to be held on Monday, March 3, 2014 in the Sabina P. Logisz Great Hall of the PMA during the 10 a.m. program.  The PMA will select two recipients.  Each will receive a $1,000 scholarship applicable for the 2014-2015 school year.  High school seniors and college students are encouraged to apply.  Submissions must be received no later than Tuesday morning, February 25, 2014, by 11 a.m. with no exceptions.

To participate, each candidate must submit an essay in English (not to exceed 500 words, excluding citations of sources) on the following subject: Discuss a specific work of art in the Polish Museum of America collection and the importance of the artist.  The PMA and its Library can help serve as excellent resources for information gathering.  The essay should be accompanied by a personal statement of the student’s academic accomplishments and career goals.  The personal statement and applicant’s name MUST NOT appear in the body of the essay and MUST not exceed 250 words.

Essay entries MUST be typed, double-spaced, and in 12 point font.  Candidates must be residents of the metropolitan Chicago area, and must include their first and last name, email address, phone number, and school address with their personal statement, but NOT on the essay.  Last year’s scholarship recipients are not eligible this year.  Family members of the PMA staff and PMA board members are not eligible.  Please email the entries to: PMA@PolishMuseumofAmerica.org.  Applicants will be notified no later than Friday, February 28, 2014.  If there are any questions, please call (773) 384-3352, ext. 104, weekdays between 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.

The two 2014 scholarship recipients must also attend the official scholarship presentation at The Polish Museum of America on Monday, March 3, 2014.  There will be a photo session after the event.  Scholarship checks will be mailed to the two recipients during the week of March 3, 2014.

In recent years, guests at the Pulaski Day celebration have included the then-U.S. Senator Barack Obama, Governor Patrick Quinn, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, U.S. Senators Richard Durbin and Mark Kirk, guests from the Polish government, military, and Polish Embassy, along with other distinguished political and community leaders.  A short program of speakers will take place, with a public reception to follow.  Admission and parking are free.

>In Illinois, the first Monday of March honors Polish-born Brigadier General Casimir Pulaski, a famed cavalry officer in Poland, who joined the American Revolution and became a hero and a source of great pride for Polish Americans.

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Polish Culture, Two for Tuesday

Illinois to Honor General Pulaski

PRESS RELEASE: The public is invited to celebrate Pulaski Day on Monday, March 3, 2014, at 10 a.m. in the Sabina P. Logisz Great Hall of The Polish Museum of America (PMA), 984 N. Milwaukee Avenue, Chicago, Illinois. The presence of distinguished leaders of national, state, county, and city government is anticipated, as well as leaders of Polonia. A short program of speakers will take place, concluding with an official wreath laying ceremony at the painting, Pulaski at Savannah, by Stefan Batowski.

Uncle Pulaski Wants You!

Uncle Pulaski Wants You!

General Kazimierz (Casimir) Pulaski (b. Warsaw, Poland, March 6, 1745 – d. near Savannah, Georgia, October 9-10, 1779) is recognized as the “Father of the American Cavalry.”  He offered his services as an experienced military leader to the American Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War.  “I came to hazard all for the freedom of America,” stated Pulaski in a letter to the Congress. Even before he was officially commissioned by Congress, Pulaski joined the American Army as a volunteer. At Brandywine, in 1777, he greatly distinguished himself by leading a daring attack against the British, thereby saving the retreating American Army.

At the insistence of General George Washington, Pulaski was made a Brigadier General and the first Commander of the American Cavalry. He established the Pulaski Legion, a corps of Frenchmen, German Hessians, and Poles, who were instrumental in saving the City of Charleston, South Carolina, from British occupation in 1779.  In October of 1779, at the age of 34, General Pulaski paid the ultimate price for freedom: he died from mortal wounds received while leading a cavalry charge in Savannah, Georgia. The General’s mortal remains were ceremoniously reinterred at the Pulaski Monument at Monterrey Square in Savannah, GA in October of 2005. Posthumous honorary US citizenship was granted to General Pulaski in 2009.

Refreshments will be served following the official program in the Polish Roman Catholic Union of America Social Hall on the first floor. Free parking.

Additional information may be found on the PMA website www.polishmuseumofamerica.org

#   #   #

Contact: (773) 384-3352 ext. 104′

 

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