Reflections on my 10 year Facebook Anniversary

Facebook told me that it is our 10th anniversary. Apparently I signed up in June of 2008. That sound about right. I had come back from a trip to Europe and sent around my Prague Marathon story. Back then I did my blog posts and status updates the old fashion way: annoying emails that most people deleted without reading.

A friend wrote back, asking if I was on Facebook. I said no but would sign up as soon as I figured out what Facebook was. I figured it was something like MySpace and Friendster and whatever Microsoft was trying at the moment. I created an account and saw that I already had two friends, others who had invited me to join FB. One has since deleted her account.

Like the current commercial, I came for the friends, and stayed for the connections.  I saw Facebook as a place where people post photos of their grandchildren or their pets. They can post any mundane, fabulous, irrelevant, snarky, pointless, heartbreaking or remarkable thing they want to. It is what it is. Don’t overthink Facebook.

These days I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I enjoy seeing updates from friends near and far as they unlock life achievements or simply share an interesting item or anecdote of their day. And of course it helps me as a writer share my stories.  On the other hand, it is annoying to see otherwise intelligent friends share MEMEs that inadequately sum up or oversimplify an issue.

The thing is, your “Friends” have always been this way, you just didn’t realize it. Facebook just shined a light on it. You are likely friends with someone because you shared some time and space together not because you shared the same view of Roe v Wade.

My biggest pet peeve about FB, as with any technology, is that people feel that the way they use it is not only the right way, but the only way to use it.

Whose move is it?

Take the picture above.  What they are talking about isn’t really important.  What is important is that theoretically they are on the same side and want the same thing.  But Person_Who_Posted set their security settings so no one could share it.  Person_Who_Commented probably knows they could cut and paste but that is annoying and cumbersome.  They are perhaps, backhandedly, asking Person_Who_Posted to change security settings because it is easier to hit a button.   Does Person_Who_Posted not know they can change the settings on just the one post or do they have a very good but not obvious reason for not changing the settings?  Who should bend?

One of the Facebook Frustrations is the little realized fact that not everyone in your friends list sees everything you post and vice versa. If all your friends posted at 5pm and you logged in, you’d only see a snapshot of the postings. Part of it is technical but most of it is those lovely Facebook algorithms. Not to mention that what you see varies from device to device and web.

Remember the friend I mentioned above who asked me if I was on Facebook?  She never comments on any of my statuses, rarely wishes me a happy birthday and only reaches out when she needs something.  Still I haven’t unfriended her because….at least she’s not like many of my racist friends who I keep sound because I am fond of the time we spent together in a sleepy little backwater college town. 

It’s hard to predict what the future holds in store for Facebook but I think it’s safe to say Facebook is here to stay in one form or another.  Uncle Google tells me that tin or aluminum is an appropriate 10th anniversary gift.  I’d settle for peace and civility.

 

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Facebook Take a Break Feature puts friendships on Life Support

It’s not okay if we agree to disagree on this one

The other night a friend from my College Years posted something on Facebook that could be perceived as racist, if read in a certain light.  Specifically, any light bright enough to read her status post in.

It would be easy to unfriend her and not look back.  In fact, since I am trying to trim down my Facebook friends list, I may one day unfriend her completely.  But for the moment, I decided to use the Take a Break feature instead.

Facebook has a “new” feature called Take a Break.  As far as I can tell this is a more nuanced setting than simply hiding someone and obviously less severe than unfriending or blocking them.  It also appears to be meant for people who were in more intimate relationships that have now cooled but not completely diminished.

In the early years, Facebook had a little known setting called See less of/See More of.   It wasn’t easy to find and I don’t know if many people used it.  The setting has long since been deprecated but I suspect that if you implemented it, the affects are still in use.

The HIDE feature hides the person in question from your feed, but I suspect it also hides you from theirs.  This could be an unintended tell that you hide them when they suddenly stop seeing your cat video posts.

The Take A Break feature lets you chose if you want the “break” to be mutual or one sided.  Apparently you can hide your feed from them, but still see their posts; or vice versa.  I call this last one the narcissistic option.

This is the part where I justify not unfriending my little racist friend.  I really don’t have a good reason other than nostalgia or loyalty for keeping her around.  While I have not talked to this person IRL in decades, I am fond of the time we spent together in a sleepy little backwater college town.  I don’t think she realizes her racism overprivilege and I like to think that by staying connected to her, somehow I may influence her to reevaluate her outlook at social issues and inequality in America.  Now who’s being narcissistic.

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Facebook Life Hack: An alternative to de-friending

Updated: When I started working on this post, it was as a compliment to my other Two for Tuesday post. However, after doing some diligent fact checking…okay I went to grab a screen capture and found that my information is now obsolete. Apparently Facebook changed things again!

Still the point in this post still stands. There are alternatives to simply unfriending/defriending someone just because they annoy you on Facebook. Note: the Facebook Action is properly called Unfriend, but it is referred to in social media jargon as de-friending.

People in the Facebook World tend to be reactionary. Over-reactionary in fact. Unless you only have single digit friends and they are clones of yourself, chances are one or more of your friends have a slightly different viewpoint, philosophy or Belief System on everything from key subjects (abortion, death penalty, politics, even sports team) to non-issues like whether ketchup belongs on a hotdog.

When you unfriend someone on Facebook this is what happens
1. That person does not appear on your Facebook friends list
2. You can see each other on Facebook search
3. You can still message each other
4. You can read the other person’s wall
5. You can still re-add each other as friends

Source:  http://sociolatte.com/difference-between-unfriend-and-block-on-facebook/

You probably never even realized that your friend feels differently than you because in real life, you don’t connect over your differences, you connect over common ground. You aren’t friends with Fred from your Softball League because you respect that his stance on government spending, while vastly different than yours, is well thought out and articulated. You’re friends because he can field a double play, picks up the first round and played wingman for you that time.

When you unfriend someone on Facebook this is what happens
1. That person does not appear on your Facebook friends list
2. You can see each other on Facebook search
3. You can still message each other
4. You can read the other person’s wall
5. You can still re-add each other as friends

Source:  http://sociolatte.com/difference-between-unfriend-and-block-on-facebook/

Then you find out that he doesn’t see something like the George Zimmerman Trial, Malaysian Flight MH17 or whatever current event is cluttering the news wires the same way you do. To each their own right? Except he also cannot seem to shut up about it either. If you defriend them on Facebook, you might regret it later when you see them In Real Life.

So if you want to not see rants from Uncle Racist or Cousin Tree Hugger or just not have your feeds cluttered with social political bullshit during the upcoming mid-term elections, you can hide the person from your feed.

I’m not sure if this can be done easily from a phone or tablet app so you might have to log into a good old fashioned browser to do this, but trust me: it’s worth it.

Step 1) click on your friend’s profile (or alternatively, hover your mouse over your friend’s profile)

Step 2) highlight Get Notifications

Step 3)  Choose the level that fits your needs: All Updates  |  Most Updates  | Only Important

Note:  as mentioned above, this refinement doesn’t work anymore.  Typical Facebook!  Back in the day, you could hover your mouse and choose See Less of/See More of a person.  Then they had Notification Settings.  Now you have to do an all or nothing.

I did find a workaround along with a few more great hacks at BuzzFeed, including a way to clean up your news feeds.  Click here while logged in to Facebook and you will be taken to a page full of friends you haven’t interacted with in a while. Click all of the ones you want to see less in your News Feed.

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Facebook Life Hack: How to handle those stupid Chain Posts

Has this ever happened to you? You are reading through your Facebook feed, sorting through all the cat pictures, memes and status updates that are much happier than the people are In Real Life when suddenly you see a strange or unusual status on a friend’s status. Without thinking you like or comment and the next thing you know, that friend PMs you to tell you you have to post something similar.

You know that by clicking “like” to my boobs post you entered into the 2014 Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign… If you haven’t already played, you have to pick one of the 14 statements, below and post to your status. Don’t be a spoil sport choose your poison, and change your status 1 – Damn diarrhea 2 – Just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket 3 – Anyone have a tampon, I’m out 4 – How do you get rid of foot fungus? 5 – Why is nobody around when I’m horny? 6 – No toilet paper goodbye socks! 7 – Someone offered me a job as a prostitute but I’m hesitant. 9 – I’ve decided 2 stop wearing underwear. 10 – It’s confirmed.. I’m going to be a daddy/mummy. 11 – I really don’t know how 2 tell anyone and I’m sick of hiding it I’m gay. 12 – Guess it was 2 good 2 b true I’m pregnant. 13 – Just won £900 on a scratch card 14 – I’ve just found out I’ve been cheated on for this past 5 months. Post with no explanations.

We’ve all been there. Now the obvious thing to do is de-friend them. But maybe they bring some value to table in some other way or it would make holiday dinners awkward and you never know when they might leave you something in their will.

You may already know this trick but in case you don’t, here’s how you comply without looking like an idiot to the rest of your Facebook feed (or any more of an idiot than you already are if you are…me):

Step 1) Copy and paste one of the status options as instructed.

Step 2) Before posting click drop-down where it says Public:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 3) click on Custom

Step 4) type in the name of the friend that asked you to do this insane chain post

Step 5) Post away.

Only that friend will see that status but to them it will appear as if you sent it to your entire feed.

You’re welcome!

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Six Way to Give Up Facebook for Lent

If you’re Catholic, Episcopalian or part of another liturgical faith, you might be mildly aware that Lent is around the corner. Maybe you’ve had this unexplainable gnawing sensation that you are supposed to be doing something or getting some ashes and when is Easter again? (It probably doesn’t help that it isn’t a fixed date like Christmas or the Fourth of July.) This year Ash Wednesday is March 5 and spans the 40 days (minus Sundays*) leading up to Easter. During this time, believers are encouraged to make meaningful sacrifices to improve their spiritual lives.

Assuming I’ve kept it this long, I usually give up my New Year’s Resolution for Lent. Heck, even if you are not Catholic, you can play along with this one at home. if you cannot give it up for 40 straight days, you can use the old catholic trick of Sunday’s being a reprieve**. Or, since I’m making up the rules here, all you have to do is give it up for 40 days total. So if you didn’t look Monday or Wednesday, but peeked on Tuesday, that’s still 2 days Mister!

**The debate over whether or not Sundays during Lent are actually part of Lent has been going since the 17th century when various branches of Christianity split from the mainline church over dogmatic changes and a particularly contentious game of Monopoly.

 

 

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Facebook up to no good — Again!

If you liked my Facebook Fan Page, thank you! The latest Facebook algorithm changes might cause you to miss some of my posts and you don’t want Facebook deciding what you can and cannot see do you? here’s a fast and easy way to stay engaged with my page.

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3. Select “Get Notifications” so there’s a check next to it.

4. That’s it, you’ve done it! Now you will see a notification that I’ve updated my fan page when you check into Facebook. I share infrequently and try to make it as fun and interesting as I can. Thanks for making my page and my blog a part of your day.

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